Public Eyes

A lot of people go out in public,
have fun with their friends,
and don’t have to worry about anything
except the normal adult stresses.
Work, bills, family, kids ….
I wish I could be like that.

I go outside and all I see is eyes.
Eyes looking at me,
judging me,
silently making fun of me.

I wasn’t born like this,
thinking that everyone is watching me.
But I went a LONG time being made fun of,
teased and put down.
I went through school
getting made fun of
cause my eyes where too big,
I had a birth mark on my nose,
I was short,
I walked funny,
I ran funny,
I talked funny,
I was awkward.
And I couldn’t help it.
But all those insults stayed with me,
and now all I see are eyes.

I want to bike to work, but I’m scared …
I want to take up Martial arts, but I’m scared …
I want to do a lot of things,
but I can’t escape the eyes.
The people watching.
In the back of my mind I know they aren’t …
not anymore.
We’re not kids.
But I’ve been programmed that way.
And I can’t escape it ….
So I shut myself in,
don’t talk,
turn to things that can’t judge me.


I hide in books,
escape into someone elses life.
I play video games,
because at least I can have artificial friends for a while ….
I prefer meeting people online
because they can’t see me face to face
and at least if I make an awkward mistake
I can pass it off as a “miscommunication through text” …
I hate that I’m like this
and I hope one day I can get past it ….
but it’s hard ….